-Peer Educator, 20, Know Your Body, Know Your Rights

I had a normal childhood where my parents never cringed before using the proverbial stick on me whenever I strayed from a path to be followed. Safe to say, this happened in every classmate’s house. Now when I see memes with a pair of rubber slippers and a tiny line underneath saying ‘If you remember this, your childhood was not awesome’, I know it was a regular affair that people can now make light of.

I was beaten with iron scales when I could not memorize facts for my science exam in 5^th grade and I was beaten with a walking stick when I lied about using my mother’s makeup. I believe that was the major reason why I was a bully as a child. I would beat up people I liked, disliked or did not even care for. When I think of it now, with the reasoning skills of a supposed adult, I believe the reason I was physically abusive to other children was because I thought that beating people up when they committed a small mistake was normal because figures of authority I had seen did it.

The moment the beatings started seeping into my adolescent life was when I knew something was wrong. That was when it turned into physical abuse, emotional abuse and verbal abuse. I was beaten up for the smallest of things like not keeping my shoes in the proper place. I was called a prostitute for touching a boy on the shoulder. I was spit on; I was thrown around by my hair and locked in a room till I accepted wrongdoings that I had never done. I did not know what to do, where to go. I was never an introvert but when I started understanding that what was happening to me was not usual, I bent inward. I became suicidal and that was the phase of my life when everything seemed wrong and that is also the point in my life where I look back and hate myself. I would go to school with bruises and swollen jaws almost every other week and I could not explain it to my friends in school and later college.

I hated the girl I had become. She hated everything, had extreme mood swings, had no tolerance, harmed herself and most importantly did not do anything about what was happening to her. I tried talking it out with the perpetrator, I tried talking to friends, I tried hitting back, I tried to change myself but I never complained to someone who could actually do something about it. But by speaking out today maybe I can salvage a little of the person beneath all the hurt and the pain my childhood and also a part of my adulthood left behind. By speaking today, I want to tell people suffering from such abuse to not ignore it or think of it as a phase, not speaking about it will only give leeway to the perpetrator to exercise more control over you. It is essential to try as much as you can to resolve matters on your own but if it makes no difference you should speak out about it. However traumatic this may have been for you, it is NOT your fault and you have the right and the capability to lead a normal, happy, and successful life. Do not pity yourself, you are more than a victim of abuse, you are your own person and you are what you make of yourself.

According to Section 89 of the Penal Code, “Nothing which is done in good faith for the benefit of a person under twelve years of age, or of unsound mind by or by consent, either express or implied, of the guardian or other person having lawful charge of that person, is an offence by reason of any harm which it may cause, or be intended by the doer to cause or be known by the doer to be likely to cause to that person.…”

There have been several attempts to amend this but none have been successful. The Ministry of Women and Child Development, in 2012, proposed that there be amendments in the Juvenile Justice Act which would also contain a section on corporal punishment, giving a definition to and punishing offences of causing hurt and grievous hurt in line with the Penal Code provisions. But if the proposed amendments will prohibit all corporal punishment, including inside the home, cannot be said.

This act of violence and the thoughts and trauma that victims need to overcome can easily be avoided, if only the law would make a provision for it. There is an urgent need to expand our collective and legislative definition of Domestic Violence. We need to acknowledge that violence of any kind is wrong; because it has severe mental consequences and it is as much an infringement of rights as any other form of violence. All forms of violence that are now looked down upon were legitimized to begin with. This too is an example. We must shun corporal punishment completely. Look down upon it like you look down upon domestic violence, because it is violence that occurs inside the domestic framework. Do not keep quiet about it. If you see someone being wronged in this manner, speak about it. Rally for a provision to punish corporal punishment in the Penal Code; ask for an addition in the Domestic Violence Act 2005 for thirteen to eighteen year old individuals and a change in the mindsets of people. Bring a change that will impact not only the future generation but all the past generations that have seen it happen but have never given it enough importance. Any kind of violence, even if the perpetrator is the lawful guardian, is wrong. Period.

By Arunima Gururani, 19

Peer Educator- Know Your Body, Know Your Rights

Premarital sex is an issue which most people refuse or shudder to talk about. It is sadly, still a taboo in a society that is secular, globalised and calls itself modern. Now, what exactly is premarital sex? Premarital sex involves the various sexual activities performed by unmarried individuals. However, the definition of it has evolved over time and can thus be put as ‘sex before marriage’. Premarital sex was considered a sin, and in fact, still is, among certain groups. Each society, however, interprets sexuality and sexual activity in different ways. Around the world, there are different attitudes towards various aspects relating to sexual behaviour like premarital sex, homosexuality, age of sexual consent, masturbation etc. In old times, people’s views on sexuality and sexual behaviour were influenced by religion, but today, these views are mostly socialized. Through studies and research it has been discovered that the instances of premarital sex has increased over the years. Historically and culturally, many people did not prefer sex before marriage due to the notion of it being immoral. The most obvious of these; religious groups – like sects of Christianity, Judaism, Islam and Hinduism- consider premarital sex to be an act of sin and something that deserves punishment. [i]A study of 37 countries reported that non-Western societies—like China, Iran, and India—valued chastity highly in a potential mate, while Western European countries—such as France, the Netherlands, and Sweden—placed little value on prior sexual experiences. Sweden is thought to be the most liberal when it comes to attitudes about sex. Sex education, which starts around age six, is a compulsory part of Swedish school curricula. Sweden’s permissive approach to sex has helped the country avoid some of the major social problems associated with stigmatization of sexual activity. For example, rates of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease are among the lowest in the world.
We conducted a survey with the students studying in Delhi in an attempt to know what the views of young people are, regarding premarital sex. After analyzing the results, we found both males and females reacting to different questions differently (obviously!). However, what prominently stood out was that a majority of the young people in Delhi who have access to higher education did not consider premarital sex to be a taboo and something to be damned for and judged upon. When speaking of the ‘moral acceptance’ of premarital sex, the majority of both males and females said that it is a matter of choice. What also mattered to them was the consent. What was also novel was the focus on safe sex. Many of them also disagreed on the various norms of society such as pre-marital sex having a negative impact on future relationships and issues of love and morality pertaining that is often linked to it.
However there was a difference in opinion when it came to the influence on gender on the issue of premarital sex even within the privileged sample group that our survey targeted. A large section of women said that gender does influence their opinion. “In our society, women traditionally are perceived to be chaster and hence they are not open or willing to the concept of premarital sex”, was one of the answers by a young woman. The males on the other hand, were in a conundrum regarding this, with half of them agreeing and half of them disagreeing.

Another area of difference arose on the question of women indulging in premarital sexual activities. Again, a majority of women said that it is less acceptable. “Women are always taught to protect their ‘virtue’ and virginity is seen as a value” was one of the responses that supported the analysis. Out of the total number of males, most of them were fine with the whole idea of women getting into premarital sex and found it in no way unacceptable.

[ii]Recently, the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt has claimed that a UN declaration calling for an end to violence against women will lead to the “complete disintegration of society”. The past few days, at the UN’s Commission on the Status of Women (CSW) in New York have been spent debating the wording of a declaration that would condemn violence against women. However, the brotherhood slated the declaration by calling it a decadent and destructive document that undermined Islamic ethics by calling for women to work, travel and use contraception without their husbands’ permission. The brotherhood’s statement claimed; “This declaration, if ratified, would lead to complete disintegration of society, and would certainly be the final step in the intellectual and cultural invasion of Muslim countries, eliminating the moral specificity that helps preserve cohesion of Islamic societies.” But, it is not just the brotherhood who has voiced their objections. Countries such as the Vatican, Pakistan, Iran, Syria and Russia have led the conservative response.

Now the question that springs up is “To what extent? To what extent can religion influence and dictate everything we do?” This interpretation pretty much completely denies a woman of her freedoms. Why should a woman not work or travel? And, why in any situation must she ask permission from her husband for using contraception? It is her body, and it is her right. The claims made by the brotherhood, simply question true and clear logic along with the identity and basic human rights of a woman. [iii]When it comes to Hinduism, on one hand, it talks about devout persons who rejected all physical pleasure and comfort as an obstacle to the eventual union with the Supreme Perfect Being. On the other hand, many famous and sexually explicit works of art and architecture testify to the celebration of sexual pleasure. One of the best known early sex manuals, the Kamasutra {written in the 2nd century B.C.), treats sexual intercourse as a means of spiritual enrichment and thus is a legitimate expression of Hindu culture.

In a country like India, where there exists a taboo when it comes to sex, sexuality education is very important. The issue of including it in classrooms has seemed to evoke various responses from politicians. Some responded positively to it, while some were against it as it was against the ‘Indian culture’. However, the example of Sweden clearly portrays the impact of giving sex education at an early age. So, maybe it’s time for people to ‘grow up’ and be open to sexuality education and treat it as something very natural. The idea of sex should not be talked about in a disgusting way, but should be discussed as a normal and healthy practise. If sex as a taboo can be removed then it would be easier for ‘society’ to open up to the idea of premarital sex as well.

However, speaking of such a sensitive issue, the decisions pertaining to it should be a matter of choice and not religious or moral faith. One’s sexuality is one’s own and all the decisions made regarding it should be of the individual and not governed by societal notions and religious preaching. Everyone should and must be open to exploring their sexuality in their own way without any fear or hesitation.

by Bani Bains

19, Peer Educator- Know Your Body, Know Your Rights.

For all those who don’t know me (yes, there is a sizable population that doesn’t), my name is Vagina. I exist in the bodies of most women, and yet so many of them blush, giggle, snigger or feel embarrassed at the mention of my name. This is one of the countless things that scare me. I perform some of the most vital functions of the female body, yet most people are ashamed to utter my name in public. Our names are bad, abusive words – definitely not words children should be hearing or reading of.

Another thing that scares me to no end is the fact that so many women, (including the one writing this) don’t know exactly where I am located in their own bodies. Many times, I am just clubbed in with other organs between the thighs and we are collectively called ‘Genitalia’. It scares me that so few people know us by our own individual names, and so few people actually care enough to give it a second thought.

I am so scared because many a times, the only reason why teenagers would take my name would be to joke among their peers. The roots of my fear are people’s mindsets. The appendix, which performs absolutely no function in the human body, is given more respect than I am. I wish I could reach out to people to whose bodies I belong, and even to those whose bodies I don’t. I wish I could tell them what an absolute and significant role I played in THEIR creation.

My name is Vagina, and I am the most understated organ of the female body. My name is Vagina, and my fears are countless. My name is Vagina, and I look forward to the day when people will be able to speak it out in public. My name is Vagina, and I wish for people to believe I am beautiful.My name is vagina and I am scared of the world I exist in, the indifferent bodies I live in. My name is Vagina and I want to be talked about, not repressed.

My name is Vagina and I need you to start talking about me and drive my fears away.

 (This article is inspired by the women and girls I have met at the several workshops that I facilitated as part of the Know Your Body; Know Your Rights program at The YP Foundation. Most of these girls had very vague ideas about what a vagina is, what it does and other related concepts like menstruation, masturbation, childbirth and reproduction. The dire need to celebrate sexuality, celebrate our bodies in the society we live in stands to be the biggest challenge for us, as advocates of Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE). Writing about the vagina and giving it a voice makes me feel half a step closer to fulfilling this cause.)