By Arunima Gururani, 19

Peer Educator- Know Your Body, Know Your Rights

Premarital sex is an issue which most people refuse or shudder to talk about. It is sadly, still a taboo in a society that is secular, globalised and calls itself modern. Now, what exactly is premarital sex? Premarital sex involves the various sexual activities performed by unmarried individuals. However, the definition of it has evolved over time and can thus be put as ‘sex before marriage’. Premarital sex was considered a sin, and in fact, still is, among certain groups. Each society, however, interprets sexuality and sexual activity in different ways. Around the world, there are different attitudes towards various aspects relating to sexual behaviour like premarital sex, homosexuality, age of sexual consent, masturbation etc. In old times, people’s views on sexuality and sexual behaviour were influenced by religion, but today, these views are mostly socialized. Through studies and research it has been discovered that the instances of premarital sex has increased over the years. Historically and culturally, many people did not prefer sex before marriage due to the notion of it being immoral. The most obvious of these; religious groups – like sects of Christianity, Judaism, Islam and Hinduism- consider premarital sex to be an act of sin and something that deserves punishment. [i]A study of 37 countries reported that non-Western societies—like China, Iran, and India—valued chastity highly in a potential mate, while Western European countries—such as France, the Netherlands, and Sweden—placed little value on prior sexual experiences. Sweden is thought to be the most liberal when it comes to attitudes about sex. Sex education, which starts around age six, is a compulsory part of Swedish school curricula. Sweden’s permissive approach to sex has helped the country avoid some of the major social problems associated with stigmatization of sexual activity. For example, rates of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease are among the lowest in the world.
We conducted a survey with the students studying in Delhi in an attempt to know what the views of young people are, regarding premarital sex. After analyzing the results, we found both males and females reacting to different questions differently (obviously!). However, what prominently stood out was that a majority of the young people in Delhi who have access to higher education did not consider premarital sex to be a taboo and something to be damned for and judged upon. When speaking of the ‘moral acceptance’ of premarital sex, the majority of both males and females said that it is a matter of choice. What also mattered to them was the consent. What was also novel was the focus on safe sex. Many of them also disagreed on the various norms of society such as pre-marital sex having a negative impact on future relationships and issues of love and morality pertaining that is often linked to it.
However there was a difference in opinion when it came to the influence on gender on the issue of premarital sex even within the privileged sample group that our survey targeted. A large section of women said that gender does influence their opinion. “In our society, women traditionally are perceived to be chaster and hence they are not open or willing to the concept of premarital sex”, was one of the answers by a young woman. The males on the other hand, were in a conundrum regarding this, with half of them agreeing and half of them disagreeing.

Another area of difference arose on the question of women indulging in premarital sexual activities. Again, a majority of women said that it is less acceptable. “Women are always taught to protect their ‘virtue’ and virginity is seen as a value” was one of the responses that supported the analysis. Out of the total number of males, most of them were fine with the whole idea of women getting into premarital sex and found it in no way unacceptable.

[ii]Recently, the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt has claimed that a UN declaration calling for an end to violence against women will lead to the “complete disintegration of society”. The past few days, at the UN’s Commission on the Status of Women (CSW) in New York have been spent debating the wording of a declaration that would condemn violence against women. However, the brotherhood slated the declaration by calling it a decadent and destructive document that undermined Islamic ethics by calling for women to work, travel and use contraception without their husbands’ permission. The brotherhood’s statement claimed; “This declaration, if ratified, would lead to complete disintegration of society, and would certainly be the final step in the intellectual and cultural invasion of Muslim countries, eliminating the moral specificity that helps preserve cohesion of Islamic societies.” But, it is not just the brotherhood who has voiced their objections. Countries such as the Vatican, Pakistan, Iran, Syria and Russia have led the conservative response.

Now the question that springs up is “To what extent? To what extent can religion influence and dictate everything we do?” This interpretation pretty much completely denies a woman of her freedoms. Why should a woman not work or travel? And, why in any situation must she ask permission from her husband for using contraception? It is her body, and it is her right. The claims made by the brotherhood, simply question true and clear logic along with the identity and basic human rights of a woman. [iii]When it comes to Hinduism, on one hand, it talks about devout persons who rejected all physical pleasure and comfort as an obstacle to the eventual union with the Supreme Perfect Being. On the other hand, many famous and sexually explicit works of art and architecture testify to the celebration of sexual pleasure. One of the best known early sex manuals, the Kamasutra {written in the 2nd century B.C.), treats sexual intercourse as a means of spiritual enrichment and thus is a legitimate expression of Hindu culture.

In a country like India, where there exists a taboo when it comes to sex, sexuality education is very important. The issue of including it in classrooms has seemed to evoke various responses from politicians. Some responded positively to it, while some were against it as it was against the ‘Indian culture’. However, the example of Sweden clearly portrays the impact of giving sex education at an early age. So, maybe it’s time for people to ‘grow up’ and be open to sexuality education and treat it as something very natural. The idea of sex should not be talked about in a disgusting way, but should be discussed as a normal and healthy practise. If sex as a taboo can be removed then it would be easier for ‘society’ to open up to the idea of premarital sex as well.

However, speaking of such a sensitive issue, the decisions pertaining to it should be a matter of choice and not religious or moral faith. One’s sexuality is one’s own and all the decisions made regarding it should be of the individual and not governed by societal notions and religious preaching. Everyone should and must be open to exploring their sexuality in their own way without any fear or hesitation.

by Bani Bains

19, Peer Educator- Know Your Body, Know Your Rights.

For all those who don’t know me (yes, there is a sizable population that doesn’t), my name is Vagina. I exist in the bodies of most women, and yet so many of them blush, giggle, snigger or feel embarrassed at the mention of my name. This is one of the countless things that scare me. I perform some of the most vital functions of the female body, yet most people are ashamed to utter my name in public. Our names are bad, abusive words – definitely not words children should be hearing or reading of.

Another thing that scares me to no end is the fact that so many women, (including the one writing this) don’t know exactly where I am located in their own bodies. Many times, I am just clubbed in with other organs between the thighs and we are collectively called ‘Genitalia’. It scares me that so few people know us by our own individual names, and so few people actually care enough to give it a second thought.

I am so scared because many a times, the only reason why teenagers would take my name would be to joke among their peers. The roots of my fear are people’s mindsets. The appendix, which performs absolutely no function in the human body, is given more respect than I am. I wish I could reach out to people to whose bodies I belong, and even to those whose bodies I don’t. I wish I could tell them what an absolute and significant role I played in THEIR creation.

My name is Vagina, and I am the most understated organ of the female body. My name is Vagina, and my fears are countless. My name is Vagina, and I look forward to the day when people will be able to speak it out in public. My name is Vagina, and I wish for people to believe I am beautiful.My name is vagina and I am scared of the world I exist in, the indifferent bodies I live in. My name is Vagina and I want to be talked about, not repressed.

My name is Vagina and I need you to start talking about me and drive my fears away.

 (This article is inspired by the women and girls I have met at the several workshops that I facilitated as part of the Know Your Body; Know Your Rights program at The YP Foundation. Most of these girls had very vague ideas about what a vagina is, what it does and other related concepts like menstruation, masturbation, childbirth and reproduction. The dire need to celebrate sexuality, celebrate our bodies in the society we live in stands to be the biggest challenge for us, as advocates of Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE). Writing about the vagina and giving it a voice makes me feel half a step closer to fulfilling this cause.)

By Noble Varghese and Swetha Shekar

 “Rape is horrible”, says Sohaila Abdulali who was gang-raped when she was 17. “But not for the reasons that have been drilled into our heads. It is horrible because you are violated, you are scared, someone else takes control of your body and hurts you in the most intimate way.”  

Somewhere amongst the loud protests, the water cannons, the demands for castration, the death penalty and justice, and ‘dented and painted’ remarks, we forgot what rape does to a person. The person is left to deal with the stigma of her ‘honour’ being taken from her. Why are we like this? Why do we treat our rape victims like they deserved what was coming to them? Most importantly, how do we change this attitude towards victims that threatens to keep us locked in fear and shame?

Let us, for a moment, track back to the time when the six youths who brutally gang-raped Jyothi on December 16^th; were growing up in their hometowns. Let us imagine that they had all lived and played and studied in an environment where women were respected; where their mothers were given the same say in decisions as their fathers; where women were not beaten up or treated as second class citizens in their own homes; where a father would not hang himself to death in shame if his daughter was raped, but instead support her, and make sure her perpetrators were punished; where the state made sure the perpetrators were punished; where they were given spaces where they were allowed to speak openly, along with girls, about their sexuality; their questions given importance and answered truthfully and openly; and where their women were allowed to, and felt safe to, go out in public whenever they wanted to, wearing whatever they wanted to, and not be termed a slut who was inviting rape. Let us imagine these six youths, growing up – mingling, playing, fighting, and then making up with girls, just like they did with their other male friends. Where they were allowed to do so and not told that it was taboo to mingle with girls as soon as they turned 13. Would Jyothi still be alive? Would that ordinary December night for the couple, that turned into the most brutal they could ever imagine, have been something different?

Now let us imagine our politicians, public figures, spiritual gurus and policemen also having grown up in such an environment? Would they make statements like blaming the victim for eating fast food, using cell phones, wearing western clothes, going out at night with a man or of not being married? We live in a society that “…believes the worst aspect of rape is the defilement of the victim, who will no longer be able to find a man to marry her –”. Take for example the case of Aruna Shaunbag who was brutally raped and choked with a dog chain in Nov 1973 and has been lying in a persistent vegetative state since. The Dean of the hospital where she was working concealed the event of rape during her autopsy fearing social rejection. As a result, her culprit was never charged for the rape, only assault and robbery. Or take the case of the 16-year old in Dabra, Haryana whose father drank pesticide and killed himself when he came to know that his daughter had been gang raped. Or of Sohaila Abdulali herself, who, when she went to report her rape to the police, was instead asked what she was wearing and what she was doing out with a boy alone?

Where does it all stop? Perhaps we should be asking where it all starts. For it is easy for the loud noises and the protests to die down and for the horrible gang rape to become just another headline that we read years ago. It is not the past we need to look at but our future; not at what has happened but at what can be changed. The youth that is growing up, formed by the hands of their environment like a potter moulds his clay. That is where the work lies. To educate them, teach them and give them freedom to talk about sexuality and their rights. To make them understand that a woman’s virtue “does not lie in her vagina” but in her mind. This is where it all starts. The mind. Attitude. Perception. That is what we need to change.

Young people play a pivotal role in initiating conversations which have the potential to lead to behavioural and attitudinal change. A good way to do this is to actively question established norms. Another way to do this would be to provide the young person access to unbiased scientific information pertaining to their Sexual Health and Rights.

We, at the Know Your Body, Know Your Rights branch at The YP Foundation believe in open and participatory conversations around sexuality and thus, have peer education programmes where young people from diverse backgrounds are trained. These young people have initiated community level campaigns to intitate conversations about the issues they feel strongly about including sexual violence.

This is our story. Write to us to see how you can get involved in combating sexual violence and attacking the problem at its root.